Joe Exotic was social-distancing before it was cool,
The zoo owner/country singer-turned-Netflix star has been a guest of our federal correctional system since 2018, which means he entirely missed out on the global obsession with Tiger King that spread like wildfire back in March.
(Remember? When a deadly viral pandemic seemed to be the only force threatening mankind with extinction? Good times.)
Joe still has about 20 years left on his sentence, so it should come as no surprise that he’s doing everything in his power to get sprung ahead of schedule.
This desire to be free (a bit ironic for a guy who made his living imprisoning and mistreating endangered animals) has led Exotic to request a presidential pardon from Donald Trump.
The campaign involved to a team of Exotic supporters parking a bus emblazoned with the message “President Trump Please Pardon Joe Exotic” in front of the White House.
Trump suggested that he might pardon Exotic in a recent interview, but a fellow Tiger King star says it’s never gonna happen:
“He is not going to get pardoned. Donald Trump is not gonna pardon this guy,” aging bandana enthusiast/conman Jeff Lowe said in a recent interview with Fox News.
“Joe has that diva personality. Most narcissists do. So of course he’s gonna go and take it to where the buck stops, and that’s at the White House,” Lowe continued.
“Nothing that Donald Trump does surprises me anymore but if he were to pardon Joe Exotic that would be the icing on the cake. It would show that the president has really lost his marbles.”
Lowe went on to say that Exotic doesn’t deserve to be pardoned, as he’s 100 percent guilty of every allegation against him.
“Even though he knows damn well that he was planning to kill Carole, he still wants to say that he was framed,” Lowe told Fox.
In other “desperate flash in the pan struggles to remain relevant” news, Lowe says he and his wife are set to star in a new reality series:
“It’ll be our narrative on the Tiger King with evidence to support our sides of the stories. And it will be about the transfer of all these beautiful animals from Joe’s facility to the new facility,” Jeff said.
(He’s set to open a new zoo with Exotic’s animals — Tiger King Park — in Thackerville, Oklahoma this fall. Sounds depressing!)
“And then the day-to-day struggle of running something as big as a 60-acre animal park and all the intricacies of the employment of zookeepers and fighting all of the animal rights groups.”
Clearly, Jeff thinks his best days are ahead of him.
But we’re pretty sure one reality show about a sketchy, polyamorous animal abuser was enough for this century.